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Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Change the Music

Its time to change the music. My brain keeps playing sad songs and it is time to start infusing it with something more positive and upbeat. This morning I heard in my head songs by Pink Floyd such as “Wish You Were Here”, which is always a major downer for me. I get so depressed hearing Floyd that I find it hard to live. Next I heard Destroyer by The Kinks, which while is a more upbeat song, is about suffering from paranoia. While I didn’t feel as depressed as I heard this in my head, I started to feel very nervous and jerky. I guess it also didn’t help with it only being 5:10 am and 27 degrees. It was cold and dark which suited my mood.

I am not sure which song I need to hear to pick up my spirits. I think I will skip Metallica’s One, a song about someone who has no arms and legs. While this does have a very good beat, with my the way my left shin has been feeling, I am wondering if I wouldn’t be better off hacking the damn thing off and putting on a prosthesis. I found some nice models here.

I don’t know what song I heard in the shower today, but it was along the lines of not being able to go on and wanting to quit. This describes my run this morning. I was scheduled for 8 miles after an 80 minute bike ride. I managed to run for 12 minutes before I had to stop. I just didn’t want to continue and my shin was really hurting. Even if my shin wasn’t hurting, I would have stopped. I just didn’t have anything, physically or mentally to continue pushing forward.

Truth is, I’ve never pushed my training for this long. I’ve trained in the past for endurance type sports, but never for this long. The longest I’ve gone prior to this go around was just over 3 years. This is my 6th year for this go around and is completely new and uncharted territory for me. I know am starting to sound like a broken record as I keep complaining about being depressed, tired and not wanting to go on, but I can’t help it. It is what I am feeling. I wonder how many people reading this blog will actually remember what a broken record sounds like. Humans of the modern age do seem to outlast all current forms of technology. I just have to see if I can outlast myself.


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