3 Weeks Have Passed

I have only made light mention of the fact that my family has been gone for the last 3 weeks. My wife took the kids to Spain for some multi-cultural enhancement. I wasn’t sure how I would feel, being left alone to fend for myself. I wasn’t sure how I would react to coming home to an empty house every night. My daughter summed it up best when she said that she didn’t like the thought of Daddy eating dinner alone at home every night.

I’ve kept so busy during the past three weeks; it feels as though I didn’t even have time to miss them. I also spoke to them every day on the phone. The combination of being busy and in constant contact made it seem as though they were never gone at all. The 3 weeks feels as though it’s just been a couple of days that have passed.

One thing I will admit though is that I have enjoyed my time alone. I’ve felt as though a giant pressure has been taken off of me since I didn’t have the responsibility of being a Dad for the past 3 weeks. I could come and go as I pleased, work out for as long as I wanted and not had to worry about my children sitting at home waiting for Daddy to come home. I don’t think I realized it before, but I have put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself to be a good father and keep my children engaged and occupied. I don’t regret the time I’ve spent devoted to them nor do I wish I didn’t have them. I must admit though that these past 3 weeks have been incredibly liberating.

Someone said to me that I must be very excited to see my children. I don’t know how to answer that. I’ve liked my time by myself, but like I said, I’ve been so busy that the time disappeared in what seemed like a blink of an eye. I’ve had so few hours of idle time that I never really got lonely. There were several moments when I got depressed about being alone, but that didn’t last long, since I didn’t have so much time during those moments before I had something else to do. I suppose had I had more time and not have been so busy and not have been in such contact with my family that the feeling of loneliness and missing them would have been much greater.

It scares me a bit to admit that I didn’t really miss them. Does this mean that I don’t really love them? What does this say about me as a parent? Perhaps I am just normal and relishing in the fact that I’ve had a nice long break in which I’ve had to worry about no one but myself. I am sure my emotions at not seeing them will hit me once I walk in the door of my in-laws house where they are currently staying. My son told me he wants to sleep with me when I arrive and I’m sure I will enjoy having him kick me in his sleep once again.