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Monday, December 19, 2005

Stage Fright

Stage fright is defined as acute nervousness associated with performing or speaking before an audience. I suppose participating in a race can cause stage fright, just as much as appearing on a stage. Perhaps this explains why many people have their race performance go into the toilet. They are so nervous that they forget crucial things or their race plan all together.

Speaking of stage fright and toilets, I had the unpleasant experience of stage fright when I went to the bathroom last night in Tao Restaurant on 58th Street in Manhattan. The bathroom is patrolled by a washroom jockey who directed me to one of the most elaborate urinals I’ve ever experienced. It consisted of a backlit wall with a water fall that went on the moment you ponied up to do your business.

The urinal jockey stood only a few feet away waiting for you to finish so he could promptly turn on the water, squirt some soap and then had you a towel. I found the whole experience of pissing into this perverse form of artwork while someone stood by looking and waiting for me to finish very discomfiting. It took at least a minute for my flow to start. When it did, it was with such fits and starts to barely consist of more than a dribble and lacked the force to even hit the wall. By the time I got a nice flow going, I left a tidy little puddle on the floor. It was a major relief to get my florescent colored (like this young lady) and vitamin enriched pee to hit the water fall.

I supposed the dude was just trying to be conscientious and helpful, but this was too much for me. Bathroom attendants get paid like crap, but I suppose it’s a shitty job. Personally, when I go to the can, I just want to be left alone. I can turn flush my own toilet, turn on my own water and dry my hands myself, thank you very much. I resent having what should be a relaxing thing turn into a stressful encounter.


Blogger psbowe said...

That's just crazy!

4:52 PM  

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