Off to Alcatraz

I have an inner conflict that rages inside me every time I go off to do a race without my family. I hate leaving them behind. I have such a comfort knowing my kids are with me and I feel physical and mental pain when I am away from them. It is enough at times to make me just want to call the whole thing off and stay at home. I keep telling myself that I am doing the right thing by pursuing these athletic endeavors, both in terms of for myself and for setting an example for my children. I think they call that modeling. Maybe I can convince myself that I am setting a good example for them by going off to do these events; that it is ok to go off and pursue your dreams.

My daughter insisted that I wake her up before I left the house. We shared a warm and long hug while she lay in bed. I told her how I am going to miss her so much and how I wished that she were going with me. I think she almost started to say how she wanted me to stay, but then thought better of it. She is such a great child. She knows how by saying that how torn up I would be inside.

I said goodbye to my son while he slept in his bed as well. Usually he doesn’t wake up when I kiss him goodbye in his sleep, but this time he roused enough to give me a nice hug. I wished him luck for his baseball game on Saturday, which I unfortunately have to miss. I so enjoy watching him play and feel bad for not being able to be there. His mother is taking him though and it will be the first game she will see this year.

At lease I am not alone on this trip. My father is accompanying me once again to a race. The trip is my Father’s Day present to him. It is good to have him along, because at least I know I have someone to claim my body should I not survive the swim from Alcatraz. I think I will be ok in the water. I’ve done a couple of cold water swims with my wetsuit recently and I felt good. I just hate the pain of the cold water against my face. Maybe I can get a neoprene bondage mask to keep my face warm.

I hope I am not too cold while in San Francisco. The temperatures are only in the low 60’s. I think I packed enough warm clothes. I guess at worst case I will come home with some new things. I do need a pair of arm warmers; I am not sure why I’ve never bought a pair.