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Saturday, February 15, 2003

Orange Alert

Am I worried with this Orange alert thing. Absolutely not. I have complete confidence in the ability of the numberous security agents stationed around the city that I feel totally at ease and comfortable. Take today for instance.

I went to the NYSC pool at the Crowne Plaza hotel located at 49th and Broadway. I was dutifully stopped prior to entering the lobby, asked where I was going and only allowed to proceed after I showed my high tech- laminated paper photo NYSC ID card. That little plastic embossed piece of paper, was enough to prove that my overstuffed gym bag did not contain anything harmful to anyone. And besides, no terrorist in his right mind would join a healthclub. I mean why would they when they are about to enter into the pearly gates through Holy Suicide.

Also, the security to go to Prudential Securities (to deposit funds) is equally impressive. I mean, what terrorist would know that the secret code to passing through with just a glance is muttering the words "Prudential Cashier" to the lobby security dude. After all, what terrorist is going to deposit money just before unleashing deadly nerve agents or biological weapon.

In any event, I am quite positive if a chemical or biological attack does happen, wrapping myself up tightly in plastic wrap and duct tape will protect me from breathing, thereby killing me, before the hazordous germ or chemical agent has a chance to do its wretched deed. Plus while dressed like that, I can probably have the safest sex, followed by the most intense orgasm. They do say that asphyxiation leads to very powerful climaxes.