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Wednesday, December 17, 2003

Email to/from Kirsten


I guess you guys will have no problem surviving in a fallout shelter during a nuclear holicaust. Make sure that you have duct tape around, and you will be square.
Yeah, what is that stunt all about? I haven't been watching the news or anything for the past few days, so I am out of the loop with that family in an SUV story. Best case scenario, when 20/20 comes to film your story, you can give a tour to the last liveable room saying that your family lived and ate there for weeks while the construction kicked into high gear. That will surely endear you to the public.
Oh, no. did the exterminator really come right after you aborted a black fetus? yuck....the poor man. All he wants to do is get rid of messes and not step into them. Now that they have found Saddam, he is going to rat you out that he has been hiding his weapons of mass destruction up your bumhole.


"Olson, Charles" wrote:
> Ah, school. Something I will never ever do again.
>
> It has been a bit tight lately. Last night we all ate in the room
> upstairs. All we need is a bathroom in it and would could stay in
> there forever. Probably not as bad as the family living in a Nissan
> SUV on 43rd and 7th Ave as a publicity stunt. At least though they
> can drive it around.
>
> It was probably also a good thing you weren't around today. I
> rendered the toilet in the basement bathroom useless today. What came
> out of me was thicker than my forearm. I don't know how it was
> possible, but I swear it was that thick. I even started flushing the
> toilet while it was being born, but the thing was so tremendous that I
> doubt if the toilet had the pressure of a raging fire hose that it
> would have made any difference.
>
> To top matters off, the exterminator came by and headed straight for
> the basement before I had a chance to call roto-rooter (The
> professionals were required for this one). He remarked that the
> lingering smell was more than enough to eliminate any unwanted pest
> that may crawl between walls. He was so impressed that he not only
> offered me a job, but he offered me partnership in the business if I
> would join him and use my fecal powers for pest elimination pest in
> some of the cities buildings with out of control rodent problems.
>

Wednesday, December 03, 2003

Email to/from Kirsten #1

I 've got my sleeping bag hidden away in the closet. The leaves sound very organic though. Perhaps I can distract from the smell of your gas.

", C" wrote:
> No, no production. Feel free to come over. Let me know. If I can't
> find another blanket for you, I'll go to the backyard and grab a
> bundle of leaves for you. I understand a large enough pile can keep
> you warm, plus they probably smell nice.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Kirsten [mailto:Kirsten.]
> Sent: Wednesday, December 03, 2003 3:08 PM
> To: C
> Subject: Re: Idea for a new business
>
> wow, that would be a nice money maker. Now, how would that person be
> able to maintain their attention? It would have to be tailored
> specifically to client's needs. VC backing...well, perhaps I
> can help you out with that. I have been sleeping with this new Ibanker who
> would gladly back an
> endeavor that I put on the table.
>
> I have to admit that lifeguard story takes the cake....and the $21.
> I mean, how ridiculous. I think that if he ever asks again, you
> should report him to his boss. That is not professional. Perhaps he
> is a crackhead. You could end up on one of those adverts that shows your
> picture and a caption saying
> "I buy crack regularly"
> Granted it is the Y, but you should not feel like you should have to do
> that.
>
> As for tonight...I was planning on staying these next two nights. But
> if it is going to be a production, you guys certainly don't need that
> at the moment.
>
> "C" wrote:
>
> > I just had an idea for a new business. In short it is like this...
> >
> > Say you have to call someone (either to return their call or for
> > whatever
> > reason) and you really don't want to speak to them and just hope to get
> > their voicemail. Well, this business would be a service that you could call
> > to get someone who is an expert in getting someone on the phone and
>> keeping them on it for a long period of time. Then when you get the green
> > light that the person is engaged in a telephone call, you can call
> > with the assurance that you would go into the person's voice mail.
> >
> > Enhanced services could be for when the person has a cell phone,
> > office phone, etc. You would pay extra to have this company tie up
> > all of the person's lines so that you would get voice mail, no
> > matter which number
> you
> > tried. This way it can appear that you desperately tried to reach
> > this person by leaving Voice mail on all of their numbers.
> >
> > As you work at Morgan Stanley, I am leaving it up to you to get
> > venture funding capital for this business. I am sure you have
> > plenty of inside connections by now. If not, then you have just not
> > been sleeping with enough of the bigwigs. But since you haven't
> > been back to Brooklyn lately, perhaps this is just what you are doing...in that case GOOD JOB!
> >
> > Tell them we only require initial capitalization of 500,000 to
> > 1,000,000 for what I am sure will be a many times return on investment. I'll
> > expect the check shortly. You are of course 50-50 partners with me,
> > even though I have done the hard part in conceiving the idea in the first place.